The Fortune Teller reads your future in cards, tea leaves, and crystal balls, and finds the same thing every time: you, still not starting. Here's a glimpse of the prophecy.
A sample of The Fortune Teller lines
The cards say you'll start soon. The cards are being polite.
The spirits had a message for you. They gave up waiting.
The crystal ball fogged up. Even it got bored.
The universe has a plan for you. You're currently the delay in it.
The prophecy says a hero will rise. It also says not today, and not you yet.
Your spirit animal filed for separation.
That's 6 of 30. The other 24 only come up if The Fortune Teller gets picked as your roaster for the day, one roast at a time, once a day.